Unbelievable

Today, all of the sudden, it hit me—school starts again on Tuesday.  What the hell?  Where did my summer go?  I still have so much to do, and now I have no time to do it in.  I was going to get a lot of stuff done for applying to grad schools.  Did that ever happen?  No.  Have I even made a list of grad schools I'm going to apply to?  No.  Have I started studying for the GRE?  No.

Here I am, sitting on my bed in my room that hasn't been unpacked yet (even though I moved in a week and a half ago), and worrying that I haven't done enough this summer.  However, I'm still not doing anything about it.  Will I even have time to do anything before school starts?  Probably not.

Procrastination is a terrible thing.  I have made it successfully through my life up until now while procrastinating.  I kept thinking this summer that I would finally regret not studying more throughout the semester for my calc class.  I went into the final with a B+, needing a 96.9% on the final to get an A in the class, which seemed highly unlikely considering I'd gotten an 83.7% on the midterm.  What did I do?  I studied for the final in the two days before the test and managed to get an A in the class.  Why would I ever apply myself for an entire semester when I can make up for it all in two days?

I feel like this is my logic when approaching almost everything.  However, I have now talked to several people who spent months writing their personal statements for grad school.  If I started today, I could only spend months studying and writing my personal statement if I applied at the end of October.

I'm freaking out.  What have I done?  I don't think this is one of those things you can just study for in the 48 hours before it's over.  I think I may have hit my procrastination wall.  I don't think it's going to all work out this time.  ...Shit.